Why Now? | Stream Of Consciousness

I’ve seen several posts lately with a ‘Stream of Consciousness‘ based theme. Where you write simply for the sake of getting out whatever is filling your head at the moment. This is exactly what I need for today. A day when I woke up feeling like I was being overwhelmed from every side and in nearly every way. All I keep asking myself is Why Now?

WhyNow - Long

Why Now?

I shared recently how I have been trying to find my way back to my foundation. To my fellowship with God. I have been to church for 2 weeks in a row now and I feel the results. Yet at the same time it seems as if all that was going well and smoothly prior is now in a state of disruption. The things I was taking for granted as being okay are not – well – not okay.

Today it all seemed to come to that often verbalized ‘head’. My day began with stress and seemed to just flow into more stress with every passing hour. I sit here now trying to fight off a migraine of epic proporations and still be the Mom I need to be. This means running errands, keeping appointments and playing taxi to my Kiddies as they start up their once again active school year lives.

So where do I come in? When do I get to actually deal with the feelings I am having? I’m not sure. I’m honestly a bit confused by it all. The situations that are coming to play are ones I felt were passing. I now realize it isn’t going to be that easy. They need to be dealt with and that dealing may not be what I expect or even want.

As I sat today waiting during one of my errands I wrote this:

Why now
Why when I make the effort to be better does the worse seem to follow
Why when I devote my all to a goal does nothing line up
I’m giving it all to You because I know you’re the only One who can handle it
So I release my fears worries and concerns in exchange for Your peace comfort and hope
I will not allow my human short sight to convince me You are not able
The impossible is but a small thing to my God of all possibilities 
Why Now? Why Not? Time is in the palm of your hand
and no matter what my timing You have my good ahead of me
So I will trust you. 
It was at first a poem – my go to way to release feelings that are beginning to feel like too much. Yet line by line it became a prayer and then a praise. Prayer is a communication with God yet there are several different forms it can take (yup I learned that in Sunday School this past weekend) and for me mine began as a Petition for answers to why I am going through what I am right now. Slowly it became and Adoration of who God is and what He is capable of. As I wrote I began to realize that even though the why of everything is not clear to me the how is. How will I make it through? By trusting in Him and my Faith.
Why Now? | Stream Of Consciousness | TheMrsTee.com
So there it is, my very first Stream of Consciousness post and I must say I feel lighter for it. So that you to all the Bloggers who showed me that every post doesn’t need structure but every Blogger does need release and for me this is it.

How do you deal with the imperfect days?

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Tiffany Haywood a/k/a MrsTee, that's me...I love to share my everyday journeys as Believer, Woman, Wife, Momma to my Team {4 beautiful Kiddies plus 2 handsome Stepsons}. Sharing my Love of Family Fashion Food Fun Tech & Travel...
Find MrsTee

About TheMrsTee

Tiffany Haywood a/k/a MrsTee, that's me...I love to share my everyday journeys as Believer, Woman, Wife, Momma to my Team {4 beautiful Kiddies plus 2 handsome Stepsons}. Sharing my Love of Family Fashion Food Fun Tech & Travel...

17 thoughts on “Why Now? | Stream Of Consciousness

  • jugglingrealfoodandreallife

    You have written a beautiful prayer. We all need this sometimes. I keep filling my heart and soul with God, my church family, and giving back to my church as a Sunday School teacher. It is amazing to me that the children give as much or more back to me as I give to them with my teaching. I had one of my students say to me that her "week just doesn't feel right if I don't go to church." I completely agree with her. Life isn't easy, but we are not alone in this journey.

    • MrsTee Post author

      Thank You. I agree. There are times when we are allowed to wonder why as long as we remember that ultimately God\’s plan is what matters. I totally agree with your student, fellowship with God is key to staying in tune with His will in our lives and understanding that the why isn\’t always as important as the end results. Thank you so much for coming by and your words of encouragement.

    • MrsTee Post author

      Thanks so much Karen. We do and you’re right – moving past those days and how we do that it was really matters. Thanks for coming by!

  • @theaprilnoelle

    I drink… a lot. I'm just kidding. I am learning how to cope and get closer to the things that bother me. As much as I want to sink away, sinking means that it's worse when I come back. But I'm going through a mix of imperfect and painful days.

  • jaimemckee

    Everyone has imperfect days (and if someone says their life is never imperfect, well….they're lying.) I'm grateful that my husband can sense when I'm having that kind of a moment or day, and give me the space and downtime I need.

    • MrsTee Post author

      You’re right we all do. I am usually pretty good at keeping mine at a minimum or at least to myself but I definitely needed that downtime yesterday…thankfully today was much better!

  • ace1028

    You do what you need to do and keep at it and write how you need to write and let it flow as you feel the need. Does that make any sense? I think so, hope so, so let me know. 😉

    Oh, and I do these on the weekends and link up to a stream of consciousness linky. I'll toss you the info on FB in case you're looking for it.

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