Do you remember those old school TV breaks or PSAs that would announce the time (usually 10pm) and ask you if you new where your children were? I do. Mainly because every time it came on I was sitting right next to my Grandmother because my being out anywhere without her much less at 10pm was not likely at all. I raised and am raising my children the same way, they are home with us – as a family and not out somewhere where I have to wonder which is why right now it’s 3:25AM and I can say I know where my children are.
I am surrounded by my youngest Kiddies. No, like seriously surrounded…LOL. We are celebrating the beginning of Summer Break with a Double Couch Slumber Party. So I literally have all 3 of them sleeping soundly around me. My Teenager, well he has gotten too old for our family slumber parties. Actually no, I take that back, not to old maybe to picky. Basically he hates sleeping on the living room floor. So, he is upstairs in his room. Still sound asleep – I just checked. That’s right I still check on my big ol’ 17 year old to make sure he is sleeping, covered up (or fan on in this heat) and okay.
Yet, in a few months I won’t be able to. In a few months I won’t know where he is besides being at school. He’ll be away, in a dorm where I won’t be able to walk into his room to check him. I won’t be able to see how he is still curls up just like he used to when he was little. The most I will be able to say is that I just talked to or texted him. The thing is, I’m not sure I’m ready for that. For the Not Knowing.
Graduation is this Friday. This Friday! Over the weekend our church had a celebration for all the 2014 graduates, including my Teenager. He wore his cap and gown and walked the outer area of the sanctuary. I stood and clapped, snapped pictures and smiled but inside I was loosing it. This is really happening. He is graduating. He’s leaving. He’s going out THERE on his own. I kept it together though. I was so happy he was making steps towards a passion yet he was also stepping further away from being my baby and closer to being a man.
We went home and the next day was Senior Brunch, the day after that was Awards Ceremony and the next day was the Dress Rehearsal for Graduation Day! This was all happening TOO FAST….
Still, I was Taxi Driver, Cheerleader and the ultimate supporter through each day. I sat, I listened, clapped, snapped pics (you know same as above) and still same as before inside I was crying. We want our kids to excel, to achieve and to reach their goals. So watching him walk up there and receive his Music Honors Chord was all at once the proudest and saddest moment of my life. I saw in him the young man I was raising him to be but I wanted to hug the baby he used to be.
The day of the Dress Rehearsal I was actually relieved that I didn’t have to be there. I didn’t think I could keep it together watching it like that. Graduation is less than 2 days away and I am not sure whether I want to be THAT mom who looses it and bawls all through the ceremony or the stoic Mom who simply smiles and thanks everyone for coming. I have never been overly emotional. I have always kept it inside, dealt with it alone or in my writing, praying and solitude. So what will happen that day? I am not sure. My heart is overwhelmed and my logic fails me which is probably why I am up at 3:25 AM using my words to comfort myself.
In the meantime, I will enjoy every moment I have before he leaves because right now at 3:25 AM, I know where my children are.
Have you had any children leave home?
How did you deal with it?
Were you emotional or stoic?