Your Feelings Are Showing


Have you ever been in a situation when you know your feelings are there but for whatever reason you decide they don’t need to be?  So you start the messy job of trying to hide them and keep them undercover to either keep the peace or simply avoid conflict. Yet no matter how hard you try to disguise them somehow you always end up in a moment where your feelings are showing.

Your Feelings Are Showing | TheMrsTee.com

Throughout my life I have always had trouble addressing my emotions. Never is that more difficult than when dealing with family. I haven’t always had the best relationships and for me trust is always something I struggle to offer people. So when I do and I feel that trust has been abused or betrayed my feelings go into over-drive.

Whether it be hurt, sadness, anger or annoyance I rather ignore and disguise than address them directly. I never want the conflict that expressing them would most likely bring. So I hide them.  I say nothing and do all I can to remove myself completely.  I present everything as being ‘okay‘ even when on the inside I am screaming – on the outside I smile and make nice. Or so I think…

Your Feelings Are Showing

The problem is, when I fail to address them, those same feelings seem to find their way into my life in every other way. I become grumpy, irritable, moody and at times flat out mean. Despite my desire to avoid the situation I end up creating an entirely new one through my actions and the way my secret feelings begin to show themselves.

Then comes the time when those feelings and the awkwardness they create between me and whoever reach the boiling point. They simply can’t be ignored anymore and either the person decides to address things or someone else decides it has gone on too long. That’s when I am forced into a confrontation – the exact thing I didn’t want in the first place something I normally try to avoid at all costs.

I am not what anyone would call a confrontational person. So when I am forced into a place where I have no choice it is always most uncomfortable for me and in most times a bit uncomfortable for the other party as well. I am that person who gets so upset I cry. Yup cry. Not sadness or hurt but my anger get so overwhelming it’s about the only way it can get out. Then I become angry at myself because I think the tears show weakness. This just fuels things even more and things almost always end in yelling, misunderstanding and the destruction of a relationship.

Is It Me?

It can be really difficult to take a step back and glance in the mirror. No matter how hard we try many of us prefer to think we are right, justified and completely innocent when situations go wrong. Yet sometimes that isn’t always the truth. There are times when we should ask ourselves…

  • Who am I truly upset with – this person or someone/something else?
  • What can I do to express this better?
  • Where are my feelings really coming from – hurt, envy, jealousy…?
  • Why did I choose to hide them?
  • How can I take responsibility?

It is so much easier to simply blame the other person. It’s all their fault for making me feel the way I do and therefore I don’t need to do anything. Easy but not true. Perhaps they are at fault in some ways but it does not mean my responses were justified. I am not responsible for their actions but I am responsible for my reactions.

I may not be there fully but understanding that hiding my feelings only for them to show up in other ways isn’t a solution but merely a delay to resolving an issue is already a step in the right direction.

 

How do you react to conflict?

Address it directly or Avoid it completely?

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Tiffany is the ‘ Tee’ behind TheMrsTee.com - a Lifestyle Blog created as a place to share her love of all things Faith, Family, Fashion, Food, Fun, Tech & Travel. Tiffany has established her influence within both the Blogging and Vlogging Communities. Tiffany has extended her presence beyond her URL to Television as a Panelist for the MomsEveryday TV Show for 2 Seasons and to the stage as a Cast Member of the Finale Season of The Listen To Your Mother Show. A 2016 VOTY Award Honoree, Contributing Author with iBlog Magazine and BlogHer.com growing herself as a Brand and Influencer are always at the center of Tiffany’s passion.
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About TheMrsTee

Tiffany is the ‘ Tee’ behind TheMrsTee.com - a Lifestyle Blog created as a place to share her love of all things Faith, Family, Fashion, Food, Fun, Tech & Travel. Tiffany has established her influence within both the Blogging and Vlogging Communities. Tiffany has extended her presence beyond her URL to Television as a Panelist for the MomsEveryday TV Show for 2 Seasons and to the stage as a Cast Member of the Finale Season of The Listen To Your Mother Show. A 2016 VOTY Award Honoree, Contributing Author with iBlog Magazine and BlogHer.com growing herself as a Brand and Influencer are always at the center of Tiffany’s passion.


72 thoughts on “Your Feelings Are Showing

  • Rachel

    Wow, what an open and honest post! I applaud you for posting this. I think I was taught early on that people are basically good and since I always assume that, I am usually the last to place blame on others. The only people who, honestly, don't get this benefit is my family which seems so backwards. I wish I could look at things more analytically when they are involved. Thanks for sharing on Merry Monday.
    My recent post Simple Ways to Improve Your Everyday Photography

    • MrsTee Post author

      Thanks so much Rachel! I think I may be the same in that I always try to give everyone a clean slate until they prove me wrong. It\’s funny how be can be the hardest on our family. Maybe we think because they know us or love us they can handle it? It isn\’t easy to take a step back and see things but most times it is worth it in the end. I hope you\’re having an amazing weekend.

    • MrsTee Post author

      Hi Kelly! Sometime the why behind our actions can give us the most insight. Oh the crying! Yes, I hate when it happens but I can\’t help it either…my voice gets all shaky and I know the other person sees it as a weakness but oh if they only knew the anger behind it …LOL I\’m so happy you found something you could relate to within this post. I am so happy you came by! xoxo

  • Dre Day

    As I read your post I found myself shaking my head in agreement with so many points you made, Tee. I am the same way. I avoid conflict like the plague! I've always felt that I could just hide my feelings and pretend everything was okay with a fake smile. That doesn't make the problem go away, but I don't stop doing it. My feelings usually come up in smoke after I've held them in for so long and one little thing causes all of the feelings to flood out of me.

    I'm working on being more assertive and expressing when things bother me in a tactful, nonthreatening way. Because I hate blowing up and being dubbed the drama queen once I've held it in for way too long.

    Thanks so much for sharing this post, Tee. It really helped me to look inward and reevaluate how I handle conflict. xoxo
    My recent post Healthy Lifestyle | Going "Raw" with Esosa E

    • MrsTee Post author

      Yes. You’ve described how I felt as I wrote it. It definitely doesn’t make the problem go away but usually just creates more issues. Thank you so much for coming by Dre and I am so happy you found a bit of something to relate to in this post.

  • krystal

    I try to just be myself every day. I don't like confrontations either. I try to just stay level headed at all times, but it is not easy. I like your questions to reflect and figure out what is going on. I need to work on this myself.

    • MrsTee Post author

      That’s a great approach. Keeping a level head can definitely help diffuse a situation. Thanks so much for coming by Krystal!

  • @AbundantJourney

    I do not believe other people can "make" us feel any certain way, but I do believe we should express our feelings versus holding them in. Discernment is required to know when is the appropriate time and to what extent to show one's emotions, however. It is not a black and white issue. There are lots of gray areas. I like to remain stress-free or as close to it. The one thing I notice is being around those who do not know "how" to express their emotions or those who "hold back" their emotions end up causing more stressful situations because it is always "in the air" so I steer clear of those type of people as much as possible.

    • MrsTee Post author

      No. They can only make you feel what you allow. I agree. Yet sometimes holding in feelings is the only way to avoid conflict. Discernment is definitely a skill that can help with learning how to release your feelings and still avoid or at least bring the conflict to a minimum. I think it is good to understand that sometime when people are holding back or even withholding their emotions about a situation it may be because they are simply working it out within. Perhaps they just need a bit of time and understanding. Thanks so much for coming by and sharing your views on this topic. It is always great to see what someone else may think on something.

  • @brandingamazon

    I address my problems or issues with a person head on. I don't see a reason not to. If you can't accept me being open enough to be myself with you then we don't need to be acquainted. Not saying that they can't feel 'some kinda way' about your feelings in return but at least let me address it. I don't like there being an elephant in the room…or in this case in my mind. It's so much better to take that elephant back to its circus because sometimes all that drama is just in your head. LOL.

    • MrsTee Post author

      Being able to do that is great. I am working my way towards it. I love your guidelines for people being around you. It’s true – if they can’t accept you for who and how your are then maybe they don’t need to be there. The elephant in the room is the most difficult part of hiding your feelings…knowing that the issue is there but never having it addressed. ‘back to the circus’ Love it! Thanks so much for coming by 😀

    • MrsTee Post author

      I’m happy my drama is to a minimum. Most of my conflicts are from silly misunderstandings or when I don’t speak my feelings. Oh those teen years though…lol

  • Bernadyn

    Thanks for discussing this, this is exactly how I am, too! I'm not confrontational but I'm also the kind of person who tries hard to not hurt other's feelings so I have a hard time dealing with what to do when I am upset about something. I have learned, however, that for me personally, it does help much more for me to just talk about it openly with someone right away instead of trying to push it away because it will eventually boil up and be worse.
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    • MrsTee Post author

      Most times it is very easy for me with those outside my family but when that family factor is added in it becomes a lot more difficult. Talking about it definitely helps avoid more drama in the end.

  • Jeanette

    Thank you for putting how I feel in words. I always want to be the one that doesn't cause any problems. I don't like confrontations either.

    • MrsTee Post author

      Well at least I know that I\’m not alone.. I\’m glad you can relate. Confrontations are the worse…

  • pricelessyona

    My issue is trying to hide my true emotions and feelings when I know they will hurt someone else's feelings. OMGoodness, it sometimes can eat me up inside holding it all in. Over time, everything smoothes over while sometimes, I do hit a boiling point and everything just comes rushing out. I also cry when I am upset, and my face will turn red with anger.

    • MrsTee Post author

      Yes, trying to think of others can at times make it harder on yourself. Truthfully saying it when the feelings are there will probably spare them more than waiting for things to reach a boiling point. Oh yes, the angry cry – so frustrating.

    • MrsTee Post author

      My husband brings me a bit of balance as well so I am lucky like you. That bubbling over can be dangerous at times 😀

  • @OneSleepyMommy

    I can definitely relate to your struggle! Most of the time, I keep my emotion to myself, especially when it comes to anger. I try to avoid confrontation as best as I can. But like you said, it is more about delaying than resolving the root of the problem. To me, writing has always been a way for me to understand my true feelings. Writing it down is a therapy and a way to find the solution. Great post!
    My recent post Currently…

    • MrsTee Post author

      Yes, I can share other emotions but anger seems to be so overwhelming for some reason…
      Oh writing. Writing has definitely given me release – hence this very post LOL

  • Melissa

    My husband has the worst poker face. He shows his emotions on his sleeve. I personally can hide mine pretty well until I explode that is. I really like the questions you ask yourself for self reflection though. That really helps work through issues.
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    • MrsTee Post author

      LOL… yeah that\’s me too. Melissa everything shows on my face sometimes before I can catch it. It\’s so bad my husband always tells me \’watch your face\’ LOL

    • MrsTee Post author

      Hi Stacie! It isn\’t the best at all but sometimes it is so much easier. We\’ll get better though I\’m sure 🙂

  • gratefullty

    It is so good that you recognize that the feelings will not be ignored. They will show up somewhere else in your life so you might as well deal wiht them the first time around. Great read!

  • myrabev

    I have always had the attitude of I will address the conflict head on and resolve it but then there are situations where I am like you and I 100% avoid the situation and go as far as running away. I am a crier always have been so even when I face the conflict on I end up 'loosing' to my tears.
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    • MrsTee Post author

      Yes! It definitely depends on the situation. If it has something to do with my kids or protecting my family then I have no issues but when it\’s more personal and more about me that\’s when I totally remove myself. Oh I HATE loosing to my tears… sill little things that they are. 😉

  • Candia

    I tend to avoid it and it usually all comes back at once in a giant outburst. Lately I've been trying to address my feelings as soon as I'm feeling them instead of letting them pile up. Its not the easiest, but I've felt a lot better and my relationships with family and friends has been so much nicer.

    • MrsTee Post author

      Oh Candia. The outbursts. I am notorious for them but I am trying to get better. Letting them go immediately would definitely be helpful… I\’m glad you\’re making progress…

  • @KendaMullert

    I am a total avoider….and act like I address it. Great post – I find that we often want to blame others for our life, when in reality it's our response to the situations that cause the greater effect.

  • Rena McDaniel

    I do the exact same things. I go out of my way to avoid conflict with family members and it causes me so much stress that I have gotten an ulcer from it. I've always felt it was important not to cause even more problems, but I'm learning the hard way that it's simply not healthy. I need to stop and ask myself these questions the next time I'm feeling used and abused!
    My recent post WHAT TO DO AFTER THE ALZHEIMER’S CONVERSATION

    • MrsTee Post author

      See Rena that’s where I’m trying not to be. I don’t want my anger and hidden feelings to force me to have physical effects. Thanks so much for coming by…

  • Karen

    OMG…I wear my feelings on my sleeve..it's so bad and then I hold it up inside too…and take it out at the wrong times. I am an understanding person too…so I need to learn to be understanding first then think about how to deal with the emotions later.
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    • MrsTee Post author

      It can be so difficult to find a good balance. You don\’t want to be a walking nerve ending but you don\’t want to bottle everything up either…

  • anallievent

    I don't like conflict at all so I do everything in my power to avoid it. I tend to hold some things in and that's not good either – not necessarily with my family, but with other people.

  • sriches

    Hiding emotions is very hard – I am quite emotive with family as in general terms they will forgive you no matter how much you voice your opinion or anger, upset, hurt etc. Definitely need to find a fine balance though, you need to be at one with yourself! Sim x

    • MrsTee Post author

      It really is. I am the opposite – with family I feel like I have to be so careful but with others I tend to be an open book… LOL

  • Pauline C.

    Yes I was like that when I was younger. Finally I realized I like most people and those that I did not like did not deserve to be treated badly, I merely decided which ones deserve more attention.

  • Lowanda J

    I can totally agree with this. I let my feelings get the best of me one year, til it started to affect me both emotionally and physically. I had to learn to let go and let God. If I hadn't, it would have eaten me up inside.
    My recent post Strength in the Time of a Storm

    • MrsTee Post author

      Yes, when it starts to impact other parts of your life and your physical health that\’s when you know it needs to be addressed. Letting God is the only way for sure – thanks so much for coming by Lowanda…

  • @HouseofFaucis

    Depending on who the conflict is with, will depend on how I handle it. Often times I ignore it and hope it passes. Sometimes I do let it build up until I explode.

    • MrsTee Post author

      Hoping it passes has always been my go to but it doesn\’t seem to be working and the explosion is not very pretty…

    • MrsTee Post author

      I think conflict keeps a lot of people from expressing themselves fully. I hate feeling at odds with people. It\’s just so darn awkward!

  • Michelle

    It's like I am reading about myself. I stew, then I confront, then I move on. I'm actually in one of those stews right now with someone. This was a very open content and I appreciate all your thoughts on a subject many do not want to admit about themselves. Linking from Mommy Monday
    My recent post Battling Our Fears

    • MrsTee Post author

      Yes, my stew period can last for what seems like forever at times….LOL I am trying so hard to get away from that.

  • jenniferjuro

    I struggle with this nonstop!! I am a person who shows my feelings but won’t talk about them while my husband just bottles them up. It can be so hard to find a good balance in yourself and with others as well.

    • MrsTee Post author

      See I talk but only after they’ve built up for a bit…not so good LOL It is definitely necessary to find a good balance.

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