Confessions of a Fake Food Blogger

I am not entirely sure if Tiffany was in her right mind when she asked me to guest post on her blog. Whatever her state of mind was that day, I decided to take advantage of her offer because there is something that I need to confess.

Something that I cannot post on my own blog because it would be considered a blog suicide.

If you have visited my blog at least once, you might have noticed that I have a category in there called Third World Kitchen (okay, you might not have but let’s just pretend you did). This is where I publish recipes and seemingly edible food posts.

But I fess up.

I am a fake foodie.

I am not a cook.

I am a terrible baker.

And I do not know what kosher salt is.


Stop your horses! Or Grab those horses, whatever.

Hear me out first before you hit that unfollow button.

I swear all food posts in that category does not contain poison and my Humba will not cause you to go berserk. They’ve been tested. On my husband. And he is still alive. Sort of.

And I swear I haven’t killed anyone with my cooking. Yet.

It started out as a challenge to myself. I have realized that I cannot stuff my husband’s face with rice all the time. He needs proteins, and meat. That’s what he says. So I told myself that I will learn how to cook even if I burn my kitchen down from trying. And I post them on the blog. For proof. See mother-in-law? I am not starving your son! She is the sweetest by the way. 😉

Anyways, in my attempt at becoming the Pioneer Woman of the Philippines, I have had more than a fair share of kitchen blunders.

One time, I cooked Chicken Curry or attempted to, I ended up crying in the kitchen. The recipe called for 2 TBSP of curry powder but because I have this crazy idea in my head that I know better, I used the entire pack. I thought it will make the dish spicier!

“I’ll show those Indians how a real curry is made!”

It was the bitterest thing I have ever tasted in my entire life! Needless to say, the entire pot went down the drain. Next time? When Pramod says 2 TBSP, it is 2 TBSP.

Replying to comments on the blog with “You have to mix it with blah blah first” or “Sure you can use blah blah” takes a lot of effort. Wanna know why? Because I have to run to my mother to ask whenever I’m not sure. Which is usually most of the time.

Recently, I shared the Empanada Recipe and I showed you this.

Confessions of a Fake Food Blogger - Vanilla Housewife |

Those are the ones that came out okay. The rest? All burnt. These darn things cook so fast!

The ones above? I never took my eyes off them at all. In my head I was like “Please Lord, let them turn out okay, I promise not to force my husband to eat the burnt ones.”

And this?

Confessions of a Fake Food Blogger - Vanilla Housewife |

This is not cow dung. That’s my mug cake.

Sure, I’ve improved. Everything I bake now are totally edible (except for the…umm never mind). You just need to eat them while they are hot or warm. Otherwise, they turn rock hard. Do not ask me why. They just do.

I pity my children. Somebody should save them from this misery.

Last week, I was at the supermarket looking for purple yam but ended up buying taro. Why? Because they look freakin’ the same, that’s why! Somebody should label all root crops at the supermarket properly!


I am just lucky that I have a mother who patiently teaches me how to cook even if I yell for her every 2 minutes or so when I’m in the kitchen. When she’s not in the house, trust me, no recipe will be on the blog that week.

I also have a supportive husband who tolerates the ridiculous amount of food I burn. And my kids? I love them so much. My son would sacrifice his teeth just so he can tell me that my rock-hard brownies are fantastic.

I love cooking. Aside from the excuse it gives me to shoo my kids away to their father, there is something about it that drains all the knotted up stress in my body. I like mixing and rolling and kneading and yanking and chopping. And when things turn our great, it’s like a take-that-Martha! moment.


I really want to be better at it. But while we wait for that to happen, cheer me on will yah?

And let’s just keep this thing a secret.



SummerProfileRound150Jhanis never fails to surprise me which is why I knew EXACTLY what I was getting myself into when I asked her to be a part of the fun this week! I don’t think I even qualify as a fake food blogger and I know I don’t make the bar for a real one but I honestly think Jhanis does. What do you think?

Have you ever had a cooking fail?

How did it end..flames or burns? LOL

Come visit me tomorrow and get a few tips from my Blogger BFF, Beth from Structure In An Unstructured Life. Don’t forget spread the word that the party is over at MrsTeeLoveLifeLaughter this week!

When Blogger BFFs Come To Viisit |

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A wife, a grunge mom, baker wanna-be, slightly funny blogger and I share stories from my third world kitchen that will make you smile. Or cringe. I'm so happy to be sharing my laughs with you and MrsTee!

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About Jhanis

A wife, a grunge mom, baker wanna-be, slightly funny blogger and I share stories from my third world kitchen that will make you smile. Or cringe. I’m so happy to be sharing my laughs with you and MrsTee!

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32 thoughts on “Confessions of a Fake Food Blogger

  • Kat | Petite Momma

    Isn't taro and purple yam the same? Hey, that's what I thought. LOL! 🙂 Don't worry Jhanis, you're not alone in these fake food blogging. That's why I chose to blog them instead of videos so that they won't see the bloopers *wink wink* Cheers to our kitchen experiments! 😀

    • The Vanilla Housewife

      I thought so too! Until my mom saw what I bought! Hahaha And according to her, purple yam is ube while taro is gabi. Pfft. Maybe we should enroll and be classmates in a cooking class! LOL

  • viviene

    Haha.. I just learned how to cook when I got married. I had zero knowledge in the kitchen. But now I feel pretty good about what I can do (somehow!) ..
    My recent post Another Round of Baby Shower!

    • The Vanilla Housewife

      Just saw this Viviene! I knew how to cook the basics because my grandma taught me. You know, rice, boiled egg, noodles and all things fried. I started learning how to really cook when we moved to Cebu because you can't feed your husband and kids boiled eggs and noodles all the time apparently. 😉

  • didthatjusthappenblog

    Jhanis! I missed this guest post – and oh my goodness I'm glad I found it – your confession cracked me up (and, I'll admit, I kinda suspected it all along) but the whole "Take That Martha Moment"… Yeah, I live for those moments! 🙂

    My recent post By: Kate @ Did That Just Happen?

  • Ashley LaMar

    Ha! I was once dating a guy that loved peanut butter pie so I decided to make one. How hard could it be? I thought to myself. You just bake it, right? Apparently that's not the right answer. It was my first pie and I was kinda stunned when I realized you had to bake the crust then prepare the filling then put it in the freezer. I totally did something wrong because the filling was fine and the crust was rock-hard. In fact, it broke my knife when I tried to cut through it! I thought maybe it just needed to thaw a little but then the peanut butter filling became soup and the crust was still like granite. We ended up eating the filling and throwing the crust, pan and knife away. I've never made a pie since.
    My recent post Vegetarian Soy Sausage Pasta

  • themomcafe

    OHMYGOSH how I love this post!! You are hilarious and I love your honesty! I hate cooking… and Lord KNOWS if I tried most of the recipes I pin, we would not survive.

    You are too cute, Jhanis!! Go get'm tiger!! Keep up the good effort and feed your man!! 😉

  • feliciae25

    I love this. There have been quite a few (well a lot) flops in my kitchen. I love to cook but I don't love paying attention to the food I'm cooking because other things are more important, like finishing my nails or that really cool pin on Pinterest.

    • The Vanilla Housewife

      Same here! My mom is the cook in our super extended family, how sad we did not inherit their abilities! LOL

  • probablycrafting2014

    I am the same way! If I follow the recipe it turns out okay but don't let me derail and go off on my own because then we have a train wreak. I too have a few recipes on the blog of stuff but in general they get put there because I'm shocked they turned out edible. It's great to have a mom that can cook can I borrow her for about 10 or 11 years? 🙂 And I love reading your blog so sorry your stuck with this stalker… I mean reader. 🙂
    My recent post #thinkoutsidethetoybox DIY Stamps from Magnets and Puzzle Pieces

    • The Vanilla Housewife

      It's been two weeks since I've had a recipe post because my mom went to stay with my sister for now because she is about to give birth! My series is dying LMAO

  • Rea Alducente

    Haha. Jhanis, did you tell Pramod about your curry? LOL. Flames and burns. I've definitely been there and I haven't quite shared my cooking blunders on my blog. I promise to get better! Haha. I guess what's important is we keep trying.
    My recent post JUST BECAUSE.

    • The Vanilla Housewife

      I was very diligent in taking notes of Pramod's recipe! That's where I'm good at. Taking notes. Then I fail at the practical exam LMAO.

    • The Vanilla Housewife

      Even if it comes with instructions, I always make mistakes, I am too impatient sometimes, I crank up the stove in the hopes to make them cook faster so they burn. Tsk. Thanks Natalie!