Sorry Isn’t Always Easy

Sorry isn’t always easy. To say or to be. Saying sorry when your wrong and without making excuses has got to be the hardest part of being an adult. For me anyway.

I can be in the midst of a conflict and know I’m walking the wire of being wrong and for some reason I can’t find my way out of it. My words seem to beat my brain and my heart on their way out my mouth. My brain will be telling me to hush and my heart agrees but man oh man my mouth has no desire to listen. It wants what it wants.

After I’ve ‘said my piece’ the regret and guilt of knowing I am wrong combined with the struggle of not wanting to admit it start to creep in on me. I struggle with realizing I owe an apology and knowing that’s probably the last thing I want to give.

I’m a perfectionist in many ways and admitting guilt goes against every part of me. I justify, excuse and disguise my guilt in a situation at least 10 times before I finally admit there’s nothing and no one to blame but me.

Learning how to skip that endless cycle hurt feelings and apologies owed is so hard. In recent weeks I’ve found myself practicing this too many times. I hear myself talking my way into the danger zone but can’t seem to shut up!

I’ve started trying harder. To think before I speak. Rehearse the words that may seem harmless to me to see if my delivery or even the situation will make them hurtful to another. It’s working. I’m glad to say. Still I have had to learn a few ways to make saying sorry a bit easier when it doesn’t work. A way to apologize without the parenthesis. You know. “I’m sorry but…(insert excuse or blame here)”

In the moments when I realize I’m at fault I’ve had to come up with a plan to offer a sincere apology – period. No escape clauses or disclaimers. I figured I can’t be the only one struggling with the word and act of being sorry so I figured I’d share what I’ve come up with.

• Admit your flaws
  • you’re at this point because you were wrong. Admit that.
• Avoid making excuses
  • let your ‘sorry’ stand alone. Excuses only take away from the sincerity
• Don’t make promises
  • realize you aren’t perfect so don’t promise you can be
• Keep it simple
  • Just say ‘sorry’ don’t make it dramatic
• Don’t blame them
  • kinda defeats the point of the apology
• Ask for forgiveness without expecting it
  • it’s more about what you need to do than them

How do you handle being wrong?

Does ‘sorry’ come easy for you?

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