Family Ties


In a perfect world family would be forever. No issue would go unresolved and no hurt could break that bond. Yet this isn’t a perfect world and we aren’t perfect people. We have faults: anger, spite, jealousy, envy. We inflict wounds and at times those wounds don’t always heal. They leave the kind of scars that make family ties hard to keep and at times – better to be broken.

But You’re Family!

I know what you’re probably thinking. Why and how would breaking the ties of family be good – for anyone? I only say this now after finding myself in circumstances where it became my only healthy option. Family has the ability to cause a pain like no there. They are the ones who know you the best, know your strengths but also your weaknesses.

 

That knowledge is power that isn’t always used wisely. When it isn’t it can lead to hurt. Hurt that seems like it has no end. Still, when you finally find your way out of that hurt you may need to make a tough decision. It’s only after making it beyond that hurt that I’ve realized even family has seasons.

Forgiven But Not Forgotten

You guys know me. You all know I grew up in the church. I was raised with the belief that all things can be forgiven and forgotten. They can be and always should be. Yet living under that belief left hurt and scars that still hinder me as an adult. I felt I could never expect an apology – it was my obligation to forgive whether the person changed their ways or not.

 

Forgiveness is something that is always best at times more so for the forgiver than the forgiven. I still believe this. That being said forgiveness does not always mean the relationship should remain. Or that the ties should stay in place.
As I grew up, I realized that the people who hurt me the most are those who were closest to me – family. I also had to accept and understand that in certain situations releasing myself from the obligation to keep them in my life was healthiest for me.

 

I must admit much of this insight (for lack of a better term) didn’t happen until I became a parent. In the moments when I began to see the hurt of my childhood passed on to my own children, I realized the cycle needed to end.

 

It was a cycle that started with my own mother and passed on to me. I don’t think she realized that letting go of people – even family – could bring things to a much-needed close. Once I had that ‘aha moment‘ I refused to let the hurts and pains of my own past continue to my children. Despite efforts to force changes in relationships, situations and people I understood that untying those bonds was the only way to bring things to a close.

Was it easy?

No. Not at all. I missed them. I missed the habit of the relationships. The familiar. Yet I knew this change was one I needed in order to allow my children to grow up without the shadow of past drama and history.

 

The family I chose to remove from my life may not fully understand my choice. In part because they never accepted the responsibility for the situations which brought me to the decision.

 

Yes, I Still Love

Leaving them to their own lives doesn’t lessen my love for them. It simply means that I love myself and my children enough to move forward. It means that I’ve accepted the fact that some situations and people just don’t (or at times – can’t) change. In those times it’s needed for the pattern to change. For me that pattern was the one of continuously forgiving, over looking and discounting actions simply because they’d always been that way.

 

In the future, I plan to teach my children that whether someone is family or friend making the choice to remove yourself from relationships that are not helping you grow is a choice and right you have and one you should have no fear in using.
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TheMrsTee

Lifestyle Blogger, Brand Ambassador, YouTuber & Media Influencer at TheMrsTee
Tiffany is the ‘ Tee’ behind TheMrsTee - a Lifestyle Blog created as a place to share her love of all things Faith, Family, Fashion, Food, Fun, Tech & Travel. Tiffany has established her influence within both the Blogging & Vlogging Communities. As a Brand Ambassador, Tiffany has the opportunity to promote and support the brands she loves the most with her own unique perspective. Tiffany has extended her presence beyond her URL to Television as a Panelist for the MomsEveryday TV Show for 2 Seasons and to the stage as a Cast Member of the Finale Season of The Listen To Your Mother Show. A 2016 BlogHer VOTY Award Honoree, Contributing Author with Modern Social f/k/a iBlog Magazine and BlogHer. Growing herself as a Brand and Influencer are always at the center of Tiffany’s passion.
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About TheMrsTee

Tiffany is the ‘ Tee’ behind TheMrsTee - a Lifestyle Blog created as a place to share her love of all things Faith, Family, Fashion, Food, Fun, Tech & Travel. Tiffany has established her influence within both the Blogging & Vlogging Communities. As a Brand Ambassador, Tiffany has the opportunity to promote and support the brands she loves the most with her own unique perspective. Tiffany has extended her presence beyond her URL to Television as a Panelist for the MomsEveryday TV Show for 2 Seasons and to the stage as a Cast Member of the Finale Season of The Listen To Your Mother Show. A 2016 BlogHer VOTY Award Honoree, Contributing Author with Modern Social f/k/a iBlog Magazine and BlogHer. Growing herself as a Brand and Influencer are always at the center of Tiffany’s passion.


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21 thoughts on “Family Ties

    • TheMrsTee Post author

      It definitely can be difficult but like I wrote in a another post forgiveness is sometimes more for you than the other person. It allows you to free up the space of that hurt and anger to replace it with the good that happens after forgiveness. I’ve never held my forgiveness from these family members I simply made the choice to remove myself from the place where the hurt could continue.

  • LaToya C

    I can definitely relate to this because I made the decision a few years ago to cut ties with family who had caused me pain. Initially it was hard and I felt unsettled about it. Almost tortured internally. Last year I came to realize that I hadn’t forgiven this person and that was the reason why I was so unsettled about it. I had to come to a place mentally where I was okay with the fact that I would never receive the apology I deserved. Then one day I just called her up and told her that I forgave her and I’m okay knowing that she’ll never apologize. Of course she was more than willing to leave the past in the past. I still decided to keep her out of my life. Because I know the pain she has caused me and others, and she’ll never have a chance to inflict that kind of pain on my children. But I felt so much better after I forgave her. I feel free and I don’t even think about her or the situation. It’s all behind me, and that’s where it will stay.

    • TheMrsTee Post author

      Hi Latoya! I’m so happy you can find something in common with this post! It took me a bit of time to even decided to share but I did because I knew I’m never alone in my struggles or victories. Releasing people from your life is never an easy decision but most times it is for the best. Forgiving them first is definitely a big part of making it easier. I’m so happy you found your ability to forgive and the freedom that came with it! xoxoxo Thank you SO much for coming by and sharing a bit of your story with me!

  • Mimi Green

    I can love them a distance, I don’t have to hate people, but I don’t need them in space. Growing up I was never taught that. As an adult, I had to learn that my peace of mind was everything. Just because someone is older doesn’t make them right. Wrong is wrong, family or not.

    • TheMrsTee Post author

      Exactly. Distance doesn’t mean hate at all. It simply means keeping things healthy. I agree – my peace of mind and my kids emotional stability are my top priorities! Man, you just spoke – all so true! Thanks so much for coming by with such great insight Mimi!

  • Joyce Brewer

    I respect your decision to preserve your emotional health.
    Although I’ve never had to cut off a family member, I’ve had people who are “like family” that I no longer deal with.
    My Mom says you have to “feed some folks with a long handled spoon.”

  • Sue Tanya McHorgh

    This is a great post. Forgiveness is really important but you don’t have to forget. I belive you can love people from far. You don’t have to be close or in each other space you can just respect each other. Remember always to protect your energy.

  • Kate

    This is a great post, and brings up a conversation that is often not discussed. Forgiveness is important, but it doesn’t mean letting someone have the opportunity to hurt you over and over again. Sometimes it means forgiving them but also cutting them out of your life. Thanks for sharing!

    • TheMrsTee Post author

      Thanks so muh Kate! You Got It! That’s exactly what I am trying to share – forgiveness is key but it doesn’t mean you need to become someone’s doormat. That was not God’s intent. Thank you so much for your words and presence . . .

  • Mary Leigh

    This is a great post. I think that forgiveness is really important, but you are right in that that doesn’t always mean that you need to hold onto relationships that are really toxic.

    • TheMrsTee Post author

      Thanks Mary! It is and most times it’s enough but when the damage continues unfortunately choices have to be made. Thanks so much for coming by Mary – I truly appreciate it!

  • Tanvi Rastogi

    I can resonate with this post. I grew up in a bog family too. We all lived together. And they are the ones who hurt and disappointed me the most. Even though they might even not know. But today I don’t choose to have relationships just because someone is “family” I have them with people who love me and help me grow and vice versa! 🙂

    ❥ tanvii.com

    • TheMrsTee Post author

      I’m so touched that this reached you Tanvi! Having a big family presents an entirely new set of issues at times that I think many just don’t get. I’m with you – only what helps me grow! Thanks so much for coming by!