I asked her would she be my friend and she said, “No”
This was the first thing my daughter said to me when I asked her how her day was at school. I turned to look at her face and saw nothing but disappointment. The Mommy Warrior in me wanted to immediately find out who this little girl was so I could find her and let her know that she just missed out on a huge opportunity by turning away the friendship of my little girl. Of course the adult, responsible and wise Mother looked at my daughter and said “good friends are hard to find but once you find them you will have them always”.
Yay for adult answers!
I went on to let her know that even though this little girl may not want to be her friend when she finds the ones who do, the little girls and boys who want to be what she wants to be to them, this one ‘no’ will not even matter anymore. I watched as the sadness faded away from her eyes and gave myself a mental high five for finding the right answer. Still, that warrior in me was upset that she had to deal with this. Why did making a friend need to be so hard?
What is it that makes finding friends so difficult for some and so easy for others?
My oldest daughter and I seem to share this quirk of humanity. I don’t make friends easily. I am very friendly and often put myself out there but for whatever reason those I consider friends don’t often see me the same. I am often let down when I realize they see me as little more than someone they know. This many times sends my naturally introverted personality into overdrive and I tend to end up with few true friends and many acquaintances. I can count on my hand those who are true friends to me and see me as the same. Is this the life my daughter will have to?
Is it blessing or a curse?
My youngest seeks no one out yet somehow draws people in. She has friends in abundance and seems to be indifferent to the entire situation. Everywhere we go she ends up making a new ‘best friend’ or being the center of everyone’s attention as my oldest and I stand by in awe. I remember looking at other kids and peers as I grew up and wondering what it was they had that I didn’t. I still haven’t found the answer.
My oldest who craves that close bond and relationship yet can never seem to find it. She will take days to get to know a new peer and when she finally decides this is someone she wants to be her friend she finds it just isn’t meant to be. She is the little girl who stays to herself so long she often misses out on the fun. So when I gave her that oh so deep and life inspiring answer you read above I was simply repeating something I had said to myself so many times before when I had faced the same disappointment in seeking a friend.
When I find the ones who are meant to be those will be the ones who matter.
As I grew older I began to realize that having many friends mattered far less than having true friends. My youngest daughter makes many instant friends but most don’t last longer than the one playdate or until the next birthday party invitations are sent out. Yet my oldest daughter selects her friends sparingly and I’ve seen that she has stayed friends with the few she has from one grade to the next.
So I ask…why are good friends so hard to find? Is it that maybe we are simply looking in the wrong places or just looking to hard? Perhaps friends are not meant to be found but instead they are just there when we need them.
Do you children make friends easily?
Are they the friend or the friend seeker?