It’s 1:03am and I should be in bed sleeping because I have a crazy morning ahead of me with a Girl’s Night that I’m looking forward to with my NC Aunties plus one of my Aunts from New York who is here for a few day. Yet am I asleep? Am I in bed? Nope. Of course not. Instead I am trying to rearrange buttons and badges on my site pages so that I can support blogger friends without my page looking crazy (my OCD folks I’m sorry I need order even in Domain-land). As I was grabbing and placing my friends buttons I came across one on one of their pages with an Orange Rhino and a bright pink bird on it’s nose. Of course the pink caught my attention…LOL
I clicked it and it brought me to a page with the heading of The Orange Rhino Challenge. Now I mentioned it’s like 1am so I was reading it and think ok why the pink bird. So I took another look at the button and noticed that underneath it said “I can’t yell (for 365 days)…but I can still pick my nose” Cute right? I guess that’s why the bird is on the Rhino’s nose…? I dunno. Again, 1 am folks. So I decided to actually read the About section instead of trying to guess simply from the button.
As I started to read, I actually started to really read. You know when your skimming something and barely absorbing. I was reading and it was actually hitting home somewhere in my groggy, overdone and sleepy head. The Orange Rhino Challenge was started by a Stay At Home Mom of four boys who realized one day that she was yelling too much. That simple. So she decided to challenge herself to stop. She took it to a higher level and gave her self rules and levels of yelling that was ok and even a time schedule (365 days) in which to refrain from yelling. A goal for how long she could maintain her voice at a peaceful and calm level. She even set up a set of safeguards where if she did yell she would loose days in her countdown to the goal. Can you imagine? Being that disciplined?
Well I guess I’m about to because by the time I finished reading her story and the challenge I was ready to sign up and accept it. I realized that I was also guilty of yelling too much, too loudly and most times for no real reason. In all honesty a lot of my yelling (I’m talking at least 95% of it) isn’t from anger or even frustration. Nope I have no huge background story on why I have so much pent up stress inside me that it just comes out in my voice. It really is kinda silly. My family is simply loud. Yup. That’s it folks. Ever since I can remember at every family gathering or even just hanging together to watch a movie…we have always yelled. I think it was more a way to be heard. Why? Because EVERYone is loud and if you don’t yell you aren’t going to be heard. Period. That simple. No drama or anger. Either you speak up or whatever it is you’re trying to say will most likely be left between you and the wall your sitting next to. Now this loudness that I’m speaking of is only my side of the family. When my Hubby first started interacting with them his first question was “Why is everyone yelling?” My response…“Whose yelling? We’re just talking.”
This is where I first realized that it was actually a problem. That was the thing. I was around it so often I stopped noticing it as being anything other than normal. Yet every gathering and family situation my Hubby would always comment “I just don’t get why you guys have to be so loud ALL the time. You’re sitting right next to each other”. He would even ask my Aunts and they would all just say, “We just talk like that. You’ll get used to it” Is that what happened to me? I got used to it?
After a while I did start to notice it myself. In our home my Hubby never spoke as loudly as I did. When I spoke he would always ask why I was yelling and I would say “I’m not” when in reality I was. The day reality truly hit me was when my oldest daughter asked me why I was yelling at her and if she had been bad. It broke my heart because I wasn’t yelling in anger I was just speaking to be heard…or so I thought. I tried then to be conscious of how I spoke. To think about my tone and level before saying something. Yet with no real boundary or goal in mind I almost always reverted back to my natural tendencies.
This is where The Orange Rhino Challenge can help me…I hope. I will feel accountable…to a guideline and a goal. I have always been a person who works better under pressure and goals. So, today I took the Challenge….
I can’t yell (for 365 days!)…but I CAN still pick my nose
**Disclosure: I was not compensated in anyway for this post. All opinions are my own and written as individual observation.
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12 thoughts on “Yelling Less and Hearing More…”
Oh wow! Do I hear you on the loud family. In ours it started with my dad losing hearing in one ear so the tv volume went up. Then, for him to hear us over the tv, we had to talk louder. He, not being able to hear how loud he was, started talking louder. It was a vicious cycle. Sometimes, my husband will ask, "Why are you yelling?" and I'll say, "I'm not," when in fact my voice was really loud.
I'll take this challenge with you. I'm sure my family will appreciate it. 🙂 And, I'll blog about it.
Whew! Good to hear it isn't just mine..LOL I'm so glad you'll take the challenge with me! If you can add a countdown to your page as well and of course the Orange Rhino button to continue giving the original blogger her credit. Then we can keep up with and encourage each other. I plan to post an update on my progress (and possible setbacks) at least once a week. I'll stop by your page and follow you… Good luck on our Orange Rhino journey… 😉
Yep. My family is Cuban, and we are constantly being asked: Why are you guys yelling? And that is exactly our reaction: We're not.
But with my kids, I DO yell way too much. Have actually noticed lately that when I don't, they respond way better. Interesting and ironic, huh?
Same here…now that I'm consciously trying I speak calmly they seem to be responding better…
Wow wow wow. I am amazed. I hope it goes great for you. I may start with an orange mouse challenge and work my way up!
HAHAHA! cute..orange mouse..lol I know it seems daunting but I really think I can do it. You can to I'm sure. I even got a few Ladies to join up with me. I'm thinking of posting updates on my progress (or trip ups) every week or two.
Our children often make us aware of the things that we do in a way no other person can; they give us an awareness that really impacts our psyche. I realized that my yelling affected my children, and that they internalize it as disapproval from me. I would usually yell after I have asked them to do something or called them in a regular voice 2-3 times. Now If I yell, I immediately apologize and phrase a sentence to communicate what I really want to say: “I’m sorry I yelled at you. What I want to say to you is this:…” Your yelling comes from a different space than mine. I hope this challenge works as well for you as the work we’ve done over the past year has worked for us. It is an ongoing work in progress! Good luck and no nose picking. lol.
My sister has a loud family. My daughter was asleep at my sister's house and we were moving her to a quiet room. My sister was with me upstairs leading me to that room and hear her husband yelling for her. So then right next to my sleeping child my sister yells, "I'M UPSTAIRS WITH SHAUNA! BE QUIET! THE BABY IS SLEEPING!" No joke.
I'm so sensitive to yelling. It seriously hurts my ears. Just call me an old lady. Let me know how it works for you!
I will…today was pretty good. 1 day down…364 to go 😉
OK I'm not sure if I can make it through this challenge. With my 2 boys it might be near impossible but I'm willing to try. I'll post my results via Twitter. Should be fun and interesting to say the least. 🙂
I can't wait to see how this goes for you! I've run across that site as well – I think I clicked on a Pinterest link about what I learned by not yelling for a year. I often think I yell too much, as well. Mine is usually out of frustration about something completely different than what I am yelling about though. I could be frustrated about a situation at work and I yell at my husband, or I'm frustrated about a situation with my husband and I yell at my kids. Or I'm frustrated about a general feeling of chaos in life and I yell at the cats. So really, most of the time when I yell, the person I'm yelling at totally doesn't deserve it. Good luck with this challenge!
Thanks…I'm going to try to work with the guides and updates she offers through her site and twitter account. Perhaps I will make it somewhat of a series on how I do…not sure yet..Today was a good day though… 😉